6 Money Questions to Ask Your Partner Before You Commit

Sure, it’s an unlikely scenario, but by comparing your answers with your partner, you’ll get a sense of each of your money personalities, and how you’ll need to negotiate on shared financial goals. Say your partner wants to invest his or her hypothetical windfall in the stock market while you’d prefer to splurge on a big trip. Maybe you split it and each use half for your own goal, or maybe you decide to invest it all now, with a goal of spending your returns on a trip down the road.

There’s no right answer. The point is to get you thinking about how you each think about money individually, and how you might handle it together. 

This one may make you both squirm, but when it comes to debts (college and/or credit cards) or family obligations (financial responsibility for a sick parent, for example­) honesty is the way to go. Remember, there’s no shame in carrying some debt, if you have a realistic and strategic plan to pay it down. If your partner is evasive, defensive or unconcerned about their debt, you might wonder what they’re not telling you. 

In other words, how did your parents deal with money issues? Were they a source of stress and family fights? Maybe they rarely discussed money issues? Often our upbringing colors our relationship with money, and it makes sense to understand what sort of financial baggage you and your significant other bring to the relationship. For instance, if your father squandered the family fortune, you may bristle if your partner is a free spender, not because he’s being unreasonable but because it pushes your buttons. A rule of thumb: Agree to check with each other before buying something that costs more than a predetermined amount. On the other hand, money- nsecurity may mean your partner never wants to spend on a night out or a well-deserved vacation. Can you live with that long-term?

Whether you set up joint checking and savings accounts, maintain separate accounts or go with a combination of the two is up to you. But you should discuss that decision ahead of time and how much of your income you will each contribute to joint expenses, as well as who will be responsible for the back end. It might make sense to split up the administrative tasks. Either way, make sure you’re covering everything and that you’re both comfortable with the division of labor.

We know what you’re thinking: We don’t need that! We’re not getting divorced! And, anyway, neither of us is rich. But pre-nuptial agreements aren’t just for celebrities and billionaires. While no newly committed couple wants to think about divorce, it’s better to plan for a worst-case scenario than not. Particularly if one of you brings large assets to the relationship or has children from a previous relationship, a prenup is a good idea. But even if not, having one might make sense. Divorce is messy enough without potentially painful and drawn-out legal battles over money. Consulting with a lawyer about the potential need for one is a not a bad idea in any case.

Do you or your partner envision a promotion or changing careers soon? Do you plan to get married and have children at some point? If so, will one of you stay home to raise the kids while the other works outside the home? If you both work, how will you cover the costs of childcare? While events like these may be a long way down the road, it’s never too early to start planning for them and to make sure you’re both on the same page. Believe it or not, even retirement plans are worth discussing, as these long-term goals affect how you save and spend your money now.